It
was the last day of employment for me, my last day of a steady paycheck and
amazing health insurance, and as it turns out, the start of a year filled with
adventure, change, and a completely different lifestyle for my family.
Let’s
backup to the decision itself. It was a
long time in the making; an excel spreadsheet full of lists including a budget
excluding my paycheck, pros and cons of not having my own job, outlets to keep
myself from going crazy being home with kids all the time (which surprisingly,
I have not really needed), and the weirdest one, how my days would be
structured so I didn’t fall into a lazy routine that I despise. In short, it included a daily
schedule that didn’t include propping my kids in front of a TV while I watched
TV in the other room by myself. Instead
it was a structured schedule of dropping Ryker off at preschool, going to the
gym with Kya, then options to spend quality one on one time with her before we
picked Ryker up including, parks, the library, visiting friends, swim lessons, hiking the
forestlands, and one day a week grocery shopping. Then we pick Ryker up at noon, head home for
lunch (rarely, if ever eating out, adhering to my nutrition list also found on before
mentioned spreadsheet (totally making fun of myself here for being such a nerd if you didn't catch that)) and after lunch play outside, do some educational
activities, teach the kids how to do age appropriate chores, crafts, and other
things that we never had time for on the weekends, particularly getting to
church on a regular basis and getting the kids into Sunday school.
Finally,
this spreadsheet was convincing enough for me to pull the trigger and resign
(along with the nudge of the kid’s daycare closing and me dreading the search
for a new one and a little job dissatisfaction). I had originally made the spreadsheet for Seth
so he knew what we’d be up to and what our financial situation would look like
after I was unemployed, but it really ended up being for me. I don’t know if he ever actually even looked
at it. I read a lot of things to him
here and there, but who knows if he was even listening. I had been talking about this spreadsheet for
years. He probably thought it was a
nickname for one of my co-workers. Maybe he’d already run the numbers on his
own, because he always said we’d be fine, just quit. My onward and upward attitude kept me from
really thinking it would ever happen.
Boy was my brain misleading me. I
have a new definition of onward and upward now.
And I am living it! Not only do I
love being at home with my kids, I kick ass at it! We kick ass at it! We were always on the go before, but now that
the kids are my main focus, there is nothing we miss out on and it isn’t always
about the destination. We are enjoying
every step along the way getting there as well.
We aren’t spending tons of money on fancy vacations, but they are
experiencing all the culture and activities within 100 mile radius of where we
live and sometimes more. As for those
schedules and lists, it’s been over a year and I’ve pretty much stuck to all of them
with the exception of our food budget. For
a while we were surpassing it, but only because the nutritional plan has gone
so much better than expected and we’ve chosen not to put a price on that. Now that we’ve eliminated a lot of other
things that we used to eat and no longer do, it is about the same as it was
before I quit work. Plus, we barely eat out because I always have a cooler packed,
even with after school snacks in case we stop at a park or something on the
way home. I apologize for the tone of
this post, because I know it sounds “braggy”, but I don’t know how else to put
it. I am pretty proud of the things
we’ve accomplished this year. I spent
about 2 years, building and refining that spreadsheet, last year I followed
through on the plan and it has worked out better than I could have ever
imagined. I have always made responsible
decisions that were predominately made with my brain. I think this is the first decision I’ve ever
made with my heart. You may think
getting married was a heart decision and of course it was, but my head said yes
to that one too. Even though this
decision looked fine on paper, my head screamed, just keep working. The economy was bad, people were begging for
a job half as good as mine, I could come and go as I pleased, and I’ll never
get that kind of flexibility if I end out going back to work. Billions of kids go to day care and before
and after school care and make it out just fine, and I really felt like
quitting my job was admitting that I couldn’t do it all and I COULD! Plus, I didn’t get a college degree to sit at
home playing Candyland and glitter gluing puffballs to construction paper. For a while I was embarrassed to say I was
quitting my job, my GOOD job, but I must say after reflecting on this last
year, I couldn’t be happier and I’m actually proud that I had the courage to
give it a shot, because it is pretty out of character for me. I never knew how much more I could do in those
40 hours a week though, until I wasn’t spending them in an office. For the first time in my life, I’m thankful
that I listened to my heart whispering “just try it” when my head was screaming
“it’s too risky!”
Will
I ever hold down a real job again? Most
likely.
Will
I commercial fish with my family during the summers when my kids are
older? Most definitely.
Will
I ever regret this time with my kids and Seth?
Absolutely not.
How
much money do we really need anyway?
“Money often costs too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
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